she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
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