You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize