What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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