i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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