we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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