So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
