Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
