I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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