I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
