Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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