so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
