K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He felt like a one man threesome
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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