How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
