God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
