i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
