I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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