Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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