I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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