You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
