just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
