Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
