Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
