Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
