Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
