our cab driver is having phone sex.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
