apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
