Umm I'm too high to move.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize