Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
