there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
