I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
