Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
