he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
