She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
