none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
