Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
