So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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