I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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