a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
