I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
