i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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