sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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