the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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