I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize
