when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
