My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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