I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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