Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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