evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
