mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
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