alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
