he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
