I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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