If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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