Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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