How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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