I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
