I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
