I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
