Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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