This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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