I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
