He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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