I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
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