Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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