you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I will pee on everything he values.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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