oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
