If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
