He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize