You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
