Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
