i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
