..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
