My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize