Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
