come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
