Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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