My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
