Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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