But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
