help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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