His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
