Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
