We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
