I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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