Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
