Buhtt sex?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
